For my Jester---

Haena is kissing Ryan's cheek! (7/23/05)
You see that monkey in the back? Oh yeah. I bought that monkey for him... with a voice recording too! :)

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Well baby, here's to you and me...

Lately and especially last night, I laid in bed contemplating our lives. I realized how I don't "look forward" to our Saturdays like I used to - where I'd jump around and wake up at the crack of dawn in excitement... and just all of the stuff we shared a year ago. Today, I felt everything I missed while I lied in your arms and it was amazing. More than words... and I felt an incredible rush flow into my heart (if ya didn't notice, I teared up a bit... good tearing up though!) And even though I push and push you about the small things - I realize that I should be pushing myself more and pushing you less about them... cuz I've stopped being goofy-sappy and everything too. And I'm sorry.

I want to thank you for our times together and for all the times to come. This? All of this right here is long overdue.

I've had an odd and difficult year... from readjusting to being away from home, to fighting more intensely with my parents than ever before, to finding someone I would defend the entire existance of my life with... It's been hard. And I really do miss a lot of stuff from the beginning of our relationship... Being able to see you like 3 times a week cuz you'd drive down everytime I asked you to (hehe)... and all the things that felt "new"... How neither of us really clashed with stuff... and how the smallest things were just huge. I guess that's why they call it the honeymoon phase. :) Regardless...

You have stuck by me through more than you can imagine. I have never been more blessed in my life to have found that someone like you loves someone like me.

16+ Months down, you still make me laugh in a way that I never knew I could laugh... and you make me feel something I never knew could be felt... and though it's not the best thing, you make me worry and think about stuff that I never thought I'd find fear to worry about. You remain the strongest part of my life and the best for that matter... you remain to be the best part/s of my week each week. I am me with you because you just plain do that to me. You bring out a sillier side, a more comfortable side, a more realistic side, a goofier side... you bring out the better things about me.

And to this day, I feel safest only when you're around and I can depend on having your arms around me.

Your smile, the way your awesome green sparkley eyes do that little sparkely thing when you laugh and especially the way you "meow" make me happier.

Regardless of the fights and the more difficult times, I still love you with every inch of my heart, body, mind and soul... And will continue to do so till the end of my days.

Cuz you're my boyfriend, my best friend, my shmooper, my lover (oh, lala), my tennis teacher, my dream come true, my reality and life, the best part about me, the yang to my yin (necklace hehe), my everything and especially my future. I'm gonna marry you one day and make you the happiest hubby ever...

It's all you babe. You rock. :) And I love you so, so much. Yes - I really do... I really, really do - and I promise.

Here's to you and me... oh, and for everything...
Thank you for the better memories. I'm sorry for the not so great memories and especially for not having been the better girlfriend and also because this little "blog-letter" is long over due. I love you for every single thing you mean to me and are to me. You remain and will always, ALWAYS be - my one and only love.

Faithfully... Sincerely... Honestly... Truely... Forever...
Your panda, Haena-Bear.

P.S.~
Thank you for teaching me how to play tennis today.
For the junkfood too.
And for the wonderful day we spent together. :)
I love you... :)